Lee Hutchinson, ArsTechnica, in an amusing story on libertarian presidential candidate and former antivirus developer John McAfee (titled: McAfee will break iPhone crypto for FBI in 3 weeks or eat shoe on live TV):
It takes only four short paragraphs for McAfee to start talking about Nazis and Hitler. Two paragraphs later—not counting blockquotes—McAfee proclaims that by pressing Apple to “back door” (his words) the iPhone and bypass or defeat the mechanisms keeping its data secure, the government is seeking to bring about the end of the world (as we know it).
[…] McAfee has a novel solution: just stand back, folks, and he’ll hack the damn iPhone himself. McAfee will step up and play the part of Batman to Tim Cook’s Harvey Dent, becoming the hero we need, even if he’s not the hero we deserve. Or maybe the FBI is Harvey Dent. Or maybe McAfee is the hero we deserve instead of need? I’ll be honest—I don’t exactly remember how the damn Batman movie ended but I am pretty sure that if you’re thinking of John McAfee as Batman then you’re getting out of the op-ed exactly what McAfee wants you to be getting.
Essentially, McAfee intends to go about this by barking at the iPhone 5C in question, in a croaky, hoarse voice – ‘I’m Batman‘. (See also: Nanananananana)
“With all due respect to Tim Cook and Apple,” writes McAfee, “I work with a team of the best hackers on the planet. These hackers attend Defcon in Las Vegas, and they are legends in their local hacking groups, such as HackMiami. They are all prodigies, with talents that defy normal human comprehension. About 75% are social engineers. The remainder are hardcore coders. I would eat my shoe on the Neil Cavuto show if we could not break the encryption on the San Bernardino phone. This is a pure and simple fact.”
All the luck to him; I just hope McAfee prefers flip-flops over sneakers.
“So here is my offer to the FBI,” he continues. “I will, free of charge, decrypt the information on the San Bernardino phone, with my team. We will primarily use social engineering, and it will take us three weeks. If you accept my offer, then you will not need to ask Apple to place a back door in its product, which will be the beginning of the end of America.”
‘…and once I make it as the president, I’ll get Apple to build their damn computers in America’. Oh wait, that wasn’t him.
For additional humour, visit the ArsTechnica article.